Saturday, 30 May 2020
Self-Compassion - Same As Self-Love?
People fail. From time to time they mess up on the challenges of family relationships, life style, work etc. And when they blunder, they suffer adverse consequences. No wonder then that we speak of being kind and sympathetic to those who fail - who are struggling financially, emotionally, or interpersonally. But when it comes to our own problems, do we feel we ought to show the same thoughtfulness, the same gentleness, the same tolerance? Don't we need self-care as well as care for others? The mindfulness movement advocates we practice self-compassion.
"Self-compassion is a practice in which we learn to be a good friend for ourselves when we need it most - to become an inner ally rather than an inner enemy." (Kristein Neff & Christopher Germer, mindfulness teachers)
Why is self-compassion needed?
"All of us wish we'd had perfect childhoods, with a mother and father who modelled ideal parental attitudes and taught us to internalize the tenets of self-love. Many of us, however, did not." (Marianne Williamson, American author, spiritual leader, politician, and activist.)
Self-compassion and self-criticism
One can be sympathetically honest with a good friend regarding their weaknesses or mistakes.
"Sure, the job of high school teachers is not to tear down students' self-esteem. But it's certainly not to inflate students' sense of self-worth with a bunch of unearned compliments and half-truths." (L.Z. Granderson, American journalist)
Likewise having self-compassion and accepting our own faults does not mean agreeing with them. Honest self-acceptance can lead to correcting our mistakes. Self-evaluation is the vital first step towards personal change.
We can be self-critical without indulging in harsh self-criticism. Unless we honestly look at ourselves, we are in danger of self-justification, amounting to self-deception.
Self-compassion and self-pity
One can have sympathy towards one's own plight without being absorbed in oneself and wallowing in self-pity.
"Self-pity is never useful. It tends to distort like a fun-house mirror." (Anne Roiphe, American feminist and author)
"Discontent, blaming, complaining, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make." (Eckhart Tolle, spiritual author and teacher)
Self-indulgence
One can be kind to oneself without going on a self-indulgent binge or spending spree. Self-compassion is compatible with self-restraint.
I would suggest there has been a pressure on people to look perfect heightened by the celebrity culture. This has led to inadequate feelings particularly in many women exploited by advertising.
"L'Oreal's slogan 'because you're worth it' has come to epitomise banal narcissism of early 21st century capitalism; easy indulgence and effortless self-love all available at a flick of the credit card." (Geoff Mulgan, British social and political writer)
Self-interest
Loving oneself is good. For unless we love ourselves, how could we hope to love others? Likewise, without self-respect, how could we respect others?
There is a balance needed between love of self and love of others. A big difference lies between, on the one hand, having sufficient love and compassion for yourself and, on the other hand, narcistic self-love. The latter amounts to prioritising self-love which is never going to lead to feeling compassionate towards others in need. For when self-love rules, it results in self-serving, self-interest and selfishness.
"A modest dose of self-love is entirely healthy - who would want to live in a world where everyone hated themselves? But taken too far, it soon becomes poisonous." (Geoff Mulgan)
Lack of self-compassion blocks compassion for others.
Compassion for others may sound like a tall order. This is the case especially for those of us who lack self-compassion. But it is a higher calling.
Compassion is the key to living outside the confines of your lower self. (Debbie Ford, American self-help author and coach))
Can self-compassion as we have defined it, actually help us to find this deeper concern for others?
"Self-compassion encourages mindfulness, or noticing your feelings without judgment; self-kindness, or talking to yourself in a soothing way; and common humanity, or thinking about how others might be suffering similarly." (Rachel Simmons, American author)
How can we care for others if we cannot practice self-care? How can we be kind to others unless we are kind to ourselves? However, when we accept our own difficulty and unhappiness then we can better recognise that of others. Our pain is part of the shared human experience. Everyone makes mistakes and experiences hardships in life. As Kristein Neff & Christopher Germer point out, we are all flawed works in progress. When we see this then it helps us to feel connected with others in the same boat as ourselves. It facilitates a compassionate attitude towards our common humanity.
Self-compassion and Christian heritage
I see this growing interest in self-compassion as a healthy reaction against an unfortunate strand in our Western Christian heritage. This has been in my view a somewhat punitive notion of God. It assumes f there is a possibility the God who is love and mercy itself might not want to forgive us for any wrongdoing.
According to the analysis of spiritual philosopher Emanuel Swedenborg, this mistaken attitude stems from treating the biblical picture of multiple deity as literally true when it's meaning is metaphorical. Not three Gods but three aspects of the one God. As a result of this error a common image of God the Father has been one of wanting humankind to suffer for falling by the wayside. This anger, it is supposed, could only be appeased through the self-sacrifice of God the Son.
I would say this mistaken notion of deity has resulted in the traditional idea of 'original sin'. If true such a doctrine would mean we are all born guilty sinners deserving harsh treatment.
Such a negative view has permeated our ways of thinking. Unsurprisingly, we are quick to criticise our own shortcomings, failings and wrong-doing as warranting ill-fortune, punishment or rejection. And some of us actually condemn ourselves as unworthy of self-respect and care of others. The Gospel, however, is clear about our proper attitude to ourselves.
"Love your neighbour as yourself" (Jesus Christ)
As a clinical psychologist, Stephen Russell-Lacy has specialised in cognitive-behavioural psychotherapy, working for many years with adults suffering distress and disturbance.
He edits Spiritual Questions a free eZine that explores links between spiritual philosophy and the comments and questions of spiritual seekers. You can share your views and find out more about making sense of life.
His eBook Heart, Head and Hands draws links between the psycho-spiritual teachings of the eighteenth century spiritual philosopher Emanuel Swedenborg and current ideas in therapy and psychology.
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Friday, 29 May 2020
Wednesday, 27 May 2020
Be Happier: FIVE Things to Stop Doing Right Now
Sometimes the route to happiness depends upon what you don't do.
STOP:
1. Over-talking: The word SILENT has the same letters as the word LISTEN. When you become silent by speaking less, you will be present with others and learn more.
2. Rushing: Take time and show people what you mean, rather than raise your voice and yell or over-explain. One on one, shoulder to shoulder, be with the person who you need, and who needs you.
3. Eye rolling: Eye rolling is a silent punch to the gut. You know how it feels when it happens to you. And yet, you have done it as well. Maybe even to your child! Let go of the eye roll and put compassion and love in your eyes. You will receive a much better response, and your understanding will make the recipient of your glance feel at ease.
4. Sighing: Conscious breathing is a great way to regain your sense of presence and restore calm. An expressive sigh, however, has the opposite effect. Sighing reinforces your level of discontent, and lets others know how upset you are. Let sighing go, and calmly breathe.
5. Seeking what's wrong: When you walk in to a room, restaurant, or theater, you can notice the seating is wrong, the lighting is wrong, people's attire is wrong. Or, you can shift your awareness and notice what is right! There is so much going on that's right - right here, right now! Notice it and allow the goodness to fill you up!
Adopt one of these "stops" each day for the next five days. Schedule a reminder on your phone, or write sticky notes and remind yourself what to stop each day. You will see the best of yourself emerge, as you let go of these traits. Taking action is the greatest gift you can give yourself and those around you! Be happy!
You know the outcome you want. Obstacles are in the way. Namely, fear. Ready for the work you love, peaceful parenting, vibrant health, happy relationships? Contact Carla for your Breakthrough Session: carla@getcoached.com
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Tuesday, 26 May 2020
Start by Prioritising Your Happiness
Some people treat happiness as their main goal. When you ask them what they want in life they say, 'to be happy'. But happiness can be elusive. It creeps up on us when we least expect it, when we find ourselves smiling at a beautiful sunset, a table laid for a family meal, succeeding in a challenge, watching our friends laugh at a terrible joke.
Happiness is rarely about expensive gifts or acquisitions. So when planning for a positive, fulfilling life it's important to start by prioritising your happiness. Let's look at what this entails.
- Practise daily gratitude. This doesn't mean settling for second best or sitting back on your laurels, but is about being grateful for what you have and finding a balanced, grounded approach to life. Appreciation of others, valuing the lessons learned from challenges and setbacks, the relationships in your life, the food, air, roof over your head, running water, all can all be taken for granted but are things many others don't have.Those people would be happy to be in your shoes.
- Happiness comes from being inspired, so ensure you have things that motivate you to improve, to be better, reach a higher level. This may be learning new skills, expanding your area of expertise, focusing on a new direction, something that elevates your vision, stretches you and brings a sense of achievement.
- Leaving our familiar comfort zone can be scary and exhilarating, yet often results in us feeling happy and proud of ourselves afterwards. Even trying new food, another route to work, having a go at something we're apprehensive about can prompt a positive shift in our thinking and a happier sense of self.
- Being challenged is important to happiness too. Being receptive to new ideas and initiatives, being prepared to say, 'yes' even when unsure of yourself. Why not say 'yes' first and work out how to do it afterwards! Self-improvement and development bring their own happiness and fulfillment.
- Do things you do well. Being challenged is often a good experience but if life is already stressful making time to do something you know you're good at can be an important reminder of how competent and capable you are. And we all need a little window of success in a stressful life. Enjoy it, even if it's icing a cake, putting up shelving or supporting an elderly neighbour.
- Rewards can bring happiness. Yes, we deserve to be rewarded for our efforts financially. We need to live and pay our bills. But also reward yourself by ensuring you have a space, a place where you go and feel secure, able to relax. It may be your bedroom, with lovely prints, cushions, flowers and music. When you're there you close the door on the world, destress and chill.
- Being involved with others can bring happiness; teaching, mentoring, coaching, volunteering are often fulfilling experiences. And the people we're involved with may bring new ideas, inspiration, suggestions of their own that add value to our lives.
- Don't follow the crowd. Others have their own stories, motivations and limitations. They may begrudge you your energy and drive, preferring that you don't remind them of their apparent lack of ambition, but we're all different and each of us have needs and wants that evolve over time. Reflect on those relationships and consider if it's time to reduce their influence in your life.
- Mix with people who like, support and encourage you; they're your fans and ambassadors. People who like you treat you with respect, may challenge you on occasion, but they're in your court and you're in theirs. Nurturing 'your' people allows you to be vulnerable, wrong sometimes and able to discuss any problem areas in an accepting, non-judgmental arena.
- Indulge your senses. Happiness comes from incorporating smell, taste, touch as well as music and beautiful art and colours. Make time to enjoy nature, your pets. Visit the beach, the forest and stimulate your senses; feel the sand underneath your feet.
- Give yourself regular free time. Happiness is about ensuring there's balance in your life. Prioritising time for fun, sport, exercise, reading is important. Sometimes work may require extra attention, but aim to regularly give yourself time out, perhaps just to sit with a coffee at the mall.
- Insist on being treated with respect by those you come into contact with. Good boundaries matter. Unhappiness can occur if we feel disrespected, treated dismissively or are taken for granted. Intercept bad treatment at the outset and be firm about good manners and consideration. But equally remember to invest time and attention in your good relationships.
- Deal with your demons. Happiness is about being at peace with ourselves, forgiving any failures, past mistakes or errors of judgement. If you're struggling therapy coulhttps://ezinearticles.com/?Start-by-Prioritising-Your-Happiness&id=10262600d be a good way to heal and recover from negative patterns and ways of thinking. Be gentle with yourself and move on from unhelpful self-talk. It can make all the difference to your happiness levels.
Look after yourself. Eat well, exercise, commit to regular sleep. Practice these tips, prioritise your health and happiness will follow.
Susan Leigh, counselor, hypnotherapist, relationship counselor, writer & media contributor offers help with relationship issues, stress management, assertiveness and confidence. She works with individual clients, couples and provides corporate workshops and support.
She's author of 3 books, 'Dealing with Stress, Managing its Impact', '101 Days of Inspiration #tipoftheday' and 'Dealing with Death, Coping with the Pain', all on Amazon & with easy to read sections, tips and ideas to help you feel more positive about your life.
To order a copy or for more information, help and free articles visit http://www.lifestyletherapy.net
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Monday, 25 May 2020
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Thursday, 21 May 2020
To Improve The Quality Of Your Life, Focus On Getting Better
Personal Growth Is A Long And Arduous Journey
Do you want to improve your life? Are you committed to changing your conditions? Many people will answer yes to these questions, though it is my experience very few people are dedicated to improve their life. This is because the work is difficult, unending and filled with setbacks and disappointments. It is often lined with unpleasant emotions and digging up the past to heal and transform our wounds. But there is no other way than doing the difficult work of attending to our personal growth. It cannot happen overnight nor in thirty days, as many books espouse because this is only skimming the surface.
Everything taking place in your life right now, whether unwanted or not, is the accumulation of your thoughts and beliefs. This is empowering for many reasons least of which means you have the power to change your future by redirecting your thoughts. How you feel about this? Does it make you unhappy that your life's conditions result from everything you've ever thought? Whilst I understand you might feel this way, you may also see the power to create new circumstances for your life from this point forward. As I alluded to earlier, personal growth is a long and arduous journey with many setbacks and detours. Those who embark on this journey give up because of the difficulties they face.
I liken it to the Navy Seals BUD/S program where only 20 to 30% of candidates will graduate. The training is extreme and purposefully designed to weed out those not equipped to become Navy Seals. In some respects, personal growth is the same if you're not willing to do the work to improve your life. We cannot expect to do little work on ourselves and be awarded the riches of life, it just doesn't work that way. Read any biography on those who reached the pinnacle of success and you will learn about the struggles they endured. I'm reminded of the quote by the former American football player and coach Lou Holtz who said: "Show me someone who has done something worthwhile, and I'll show you someone who has overcome adversity." He was affirming that adversity builds character and contributes to our growth and development.
What Happens When The Going Gets Tough?
Therefore, to improve the quality of your life, avoid focusing on results but aim to get better instead. The goal is to build on your success while noting areas of improvement. For example, I wrote an article recently where I observed two people talking throughout an entire workshop I attended. Years ago, I would have been angered by their lack of courtesy and let them know about it. Think of those who talk throughout an entire film and ruin it for everyone else. However, I sat with my emotions and noted where I experienced the anger in my body. In the next instance, something unexpected happened. I felt compassion for these two people. I was overcome with a sense of peace and harmony because behind the anger was the realisation that only love exists. To reach this loving and peaceful state, we must first experience the anger, yet many people are quick to act on their emotions which prevents them from reaching love, compassion and inner peace.
Is this beginning to make sense, in that getting better should be our focus instead of wishing our lives were different? Are you willing to do the work no matter what it takes? Obviously you are invested in your personal growth because you are reading this article and maybe even sharing it with family and friends. But what happens when the going gets tough and you hit a hurdle in your personal growth? How do you react? Who do you become? I have encountered many setbacks over the past decade, yet I have experienced enormous growth during these times. Life will present us with the experiences needed for our personal growth when we least expect it. We can embrace the lessons or resist them, however they will continue to show up in a different form until we accept what is taking place.
So for now, I'd like you to give some thought to the areas of your life you want to improve. Write down in your journal/diary or on a piece of paper what you would like to improve about your life. Is it your finances, health, love life, career? Be very specific about what you want. Don't focus on what you don't want in your journaling. Second, what is required to change your circumstances? You might think you need to hire a life coach or invest in an expensive course but sometimes it is simpler than that. It may be as simple as not complaining for the next thirty days. It might require investigating your beliefs and forming new ones. The point is: everything you need to change your life is right at your fingertips. As you move through your personal development, the next resource will be made available to you. Therefore, to improve the quality of your life, stop focusing on results and direct your attention to enhancing the life you're living now.
Do you want to lead a remarkable life? Are you committed to taking action despite your fears and doubts? If so, download your FREE copy of my eBook NAVIGATE LIFE right now, and start your amazing journey of greatness today!
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Wednesday, 20 May 2020
Wise Words to Live by ...
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| There will be no Success if you do not make a #DECISION, #COMMIT to your Decision, #FOCUS and TAKE #ACTION |
Why You Are Always One Decision Away From Improving Your Life
Good Habits Build Strong Character
Are you aware of anything holding you back from improving your life at present? It may be a resource such as money, better living conditions, access to certain information or services? Whilst I don't discount the value of these things can improve our circumstances, generally, our thoughts are the biggest impediment holding us back because we believe them. As an example, I was speaking with a client recently who confessed how she nearly didn't make it to the gym one morning. Her thoughts convinced her she was too tired, so she reasoned it was pointless to exercise. However, she made it to the gym after all and not only did she feel better, she couldn't believe how her thoughts sabotaged her an hour earlier. Had she succumbed to her feelings, she might have avoided going to the gym and lamented her choice later.
Have you experienced something similar in areas of your life? It happens to me often; though, I've learned not to trust my thoughts but commit to my goals and intentions instead. Our thoughts are saboteurs that stop us achieving our goals and highest intentions. Evolutionary psychologists believe this sabotaging is an adaptive mechanism to keep us safe from danger. Given the world we live in nowadays, the danger we experienced thousands of years ago is not prevalent anymore. Meanwhile, our biology hasn't changed given we still use the same mental framework to make important decisions.
So, what does this mean for you? You are one choice away from improving your life, which can have a transformative effect. The key is to better understand our thoughts, so we don't succumb to the saboteur that tries to convince us things are worse than they are. Nowadays, everyone talks about wanting more motivation. I don't accept motivation is the issue because it will only get you so far and if you lose motivation, what then? We ought to set the right intentions and develop good habits that lead to strong character. I'm not talking about the character that defines you as a good or bad person. I'm talking about character where you commit to your goals and purpose and follow through with them, no matter what. So, if your intention is to exercise four days a week, character says you show up four days a week, excluding if you are sick.
Are you comfortable with this idea that the next choice you make can improve your life in ways you never imagined? Now I can hear you say: "Tony, I make choices every day and none of them have changed my life." Granted, but are you making choices from a place of fear, regret and worry or based on inspiration and enthusiasm? The latter strengthens your commitment to your goals and purpose, where the former weakens it. Your commitment is tied to your character and if we break our promises, we lose trust in ourselves. We must do what we say we're going to do, as long as it is tied to the right intention. Therefore, we must have a higher understanding our true motives. For example, are we working towards improving our life or running away from something deleterious?
Accept The Fate Of Our Choices
Our choices can improve our life because they uphold our values and purpose. Psychologist say the pleasure principle is where people seek pleasure and avoid pain as much as possible. The problem is that pain can build character and strengthen our commitment to our goals. Pain allows us to recognise what is important to us, and let go of unnecessary or wasteful actions. We must be careful not to become pleasure seekers but understand our underlying motives better. Are you beginning to feel better that your decisions can lead to an extraordinary life, if you are clear on your intentions? Doing so requires knowing ourselves, which is tied to wisdom and experience.
Some of the wisest people I've met are those who've experienced great difficulties and suffering in their life. They've endured pain and gained valuable insights about themselves along the way. Oscar Wilde once said: "Experience is the hardest teacher; it gives you the test before the lesson." Yet many people don't heed the lessons until it's too late, and even then, they repeat the same mistakes over again. In many ways, they are like mice scurrying around in a maze, not understanding the rules of the game. But our choices can be powerful and change the course of our destiny, if they are aligned with our highest intentions. It's not necessary that we make difficult choices that disrupt our lives. Perhaps we can afford to do so when we're young, but as we mature, we ought to learn from our experiences and make informed choices.
Eventually, we must trust ourselves and accept the fate of our choices, instead of believing life is difficult. We are powerful beings and many don't recognise this power and resign themselves to mediocrity. Pain and pleasure help us learn how our choices can influence our life, if we examine them thoughtfully. Knowing this, I'd like you to think about your recent choices. Were they aligned with your highest purpose, or were they made impulsively? Ask yourself: "What is important to me and what am I willing to sacrifice to attain this?" Live by those values and I assure you, the next choice you make can improve your life beyond your wildest dreams.
Do you want to lead a remarkable life? Are you committed to taking action despite your fears and doubts? If so, download your FREE copy of my eBook NAVIGATE LIFE right now, and start your amazing journey of greatness today!
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Tuesday, 19 May 2020
Sunday, 17 May 2020
Saturday, 16 May 2020
Friday, 15 May 2020
Thoughts Are Machines
Mankind has invested in machines for many centuries. From the first labor-saving device to what has become artificial intelligence. The world is run by machines and we have given our power away to them. Proof of this statement is evident in the dependency of which we have on our computers and cell phones. Tied to these realities it is difficult to conceive of a world without them, particularly for the younger generations and the children who were born into this world with no recollection or experience of a life without cell phones.
All of these technological advancements, when stripped down to what it truly is, becomes a life-enhancement device. A vehicle for adding to one's life. Joined with other technologies, it creates a social environment of devices that are orchestrated by mankind. Men and women use these to project themselves onto the world stage. Albeit hiding behind these altered personalities. Who lives behind these realities?
Where I am going with this is the idea that this is the same manifestation that has been created by mankind in the beginning. Interesting idea, you ask? Consider the concept of thought and what that is as well as the role it has played in the overall evolution of the human race. We have recorded our thoughts in our minds and have transmitted them to each other through the vehicle of communication. Language passed from person to person froms a continuity of a dialogue that begun in ones own head as thoughts. Saved in the form of written books, the thoughts live for as long as the book does, often superseding the person who originated it. As time goes on, perhaps a face remains and a guess as to who the person was. His or her thoughts remain though.
Like a computer program these thoughts can travel the world, reaching all of its inhabitants. Well, not quite all. These are ones whom I want to focus on, for they are certainly in the minority. People who have not been caught up in the western world of the last fifty years at least are at an advantage if they choose to explore the potentiality. These individuals coming into the western world can make the juxtaposition of thoughts and the information age.
People are able to think faster than a computer does, but the tools of which he or she was taught to express the thinking is limited to its creator. Each word has an association and each association brings with it an image that creates a deeper association depending upon the person's history be it cultural, educational, religious, etc. These boxes, are connected and could be viewed as personal websites. Communication between two people could be seen as websites interacting with each other. As they do information is passed back and forth. Sometimes one challenges it and then it branches out into another website. All of it creating a complex dialogue of interconnected websites.
On the surface it may appear that thoughts and their expressions are unlimited but in truth, like the borders of a website, they are not. The parameters are there and if not seen for what they are then thoughts will forever be a machine that runs in your mind and entangles with your emotions and causes a third entity which given the tumultuous tendencies of emotions and mental entanglements either within oneself or with another person will cause disharmonies or disease within the body. The body is the resting place for thoughts. Consider that for a moment, and then thank your body, or apologize to it.
Machines play out programs, as I've said before. Thoughts play out programs too. What stops a machine? Who has the power to stop thoughts? There was something smarter that created the machine or the computer. There is something wiser that allows the thoughts to run amok in the mind.
By seeing thoughts as machines, you are afforded the opportunity to see them from the limited perspective that they truly have. People get lost in their thoughts because they do not understand their history nor their origin. By relabeling your thoughts into something other than what they are conventionally thought as allows for new light to be shone upon them.
At that moment you can ask yourself, do I want to set my cell phone aside and spend time with what is most important to me, or do I want to continue scanning through the social media page that I have been on for the past half hour? Are your thoughts any different? This is your choice; it is your limited time here. Choose how you spend it wisely. Be the master of your mind, not its slave.
I am a metaphysical author and spiritual healing facilitator. I have written 7 books and have performed countless sessions over the past decade. My website: http://www.josephmachney.com
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Thursday, 14 May 2020
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Thursday, 7 May 2020
Is There an Elephant in the Room? How to Make Progress on Your Goals Inevitable
I wake every morning at 6 am. Not because I'm a such a morning person, but because I know I will feel better if I do my morning routine before my son wakes up. Have you also noticed that what's important to us gets short shrift while we attend to whatever presents itself in the moment?
Every morning when my alarm goes off I want nothing more than to sleep more. The bed is so warm and cozy and my dreams are so sweet. I used to keep my alarm clock by my bed where it was easy to slap the snooze button.
Now it's across the room and I have to get out of bed to turn it off. Once I'm out of bed I'm almost always able to remind myself why I put the clock away from my bed, why I want to get up early, and why I want to take the two steps out the door to start my day rather than the two steps back to bed.
Why do I need to create a morning routine that helps me remember what's important to me? Psychologists tell us that we've got two systems in our brains-the rational system and the emotional system-and, unfortunately, they often disagree about what will make us happy.
The rational system thinks that happiness would be losing 30 pounds and taking stress off of the knee joints so we could walk without pain. But the emotional system thinks that happiness is dependent on devouring the bread basket, the cheese plate and the dessert tray. Guess which system usually wins? Hands down it's the emotional.
Psychologist Jonathan Haidt used a great analogy to explain this in his book The Happiness Hypothesis. He says that the emotional system is like an elephant, and on its back is a human rider that represents the rational system. The rider thinks he's the one in charge, but an average elephant weighs 6 tons, so who do you think is going to win in a fight?
If you want your rational system to win out, you've got to avoid a direct tug-of-war with the elephant. Your rider (what we think of as will power) thinks he's got it in the bag. But if you want to lose weight, don't assume that your self-control will keep you from inhaling that bowl of chocolate-covered popcorn (just to use an example from my evening).
Whatever you do, don't believe that if you only had more willpower, you would win. That would be like believing that two humans would win against the elephant. And please don't make your apparent lack of willpower an opportunity to be hard on yourself, or think that others have it easier.
If others do have it easier it's probably because they developed systems for managing the elephant, for working with the elephant, for respecting the power of the elephant.
It's impossible to stop an elephant on a dime (or stop him eating), but given enough time and foresight, he can be turned. And so, if you want to lose weight, you may want to keep bread or ice cream or Newman's O's (another personal favorite) out of your house. Or you may want to develop the habits that encourage exercise-like making time for a walk in your schedule, or making a date with an exercise buddy.
In my case, I wasn't "strong enough" to resist the siren call of sleep if my alarm clock could be turned off while I lay in my warm bed. So I established a system that made it necessary for me to get out of bed (and quickly, so the alarm wouldn't wake my child), which made it inevitable that I would stay out of bed.
Identify what's important to you and make sure you make them your priority first thing. What systems could you establish to make it inevitable for you to do the thing that you know would make you happier? Even if your elephant, in the moment of decision, disagrees?
Stacey is a purpose and success coach who helps you give birth to your BIG dreams. To find your purpose and passion, check out her FREE eBook,
The Purpose and Passion Guidebook.
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