Is There an Elephant in the Room? How to Make Progress on Your Goals Inevitable

I wake every morning at 6 am. Not because I'm a such a morning person, but because I know I will feel better if I do my morning routine before my son wakes up. Have you also noticed that what's important to us gets short shrift while we attend to whatever presents itself in the moment?

Every morning when my alarm goes off I want nothing more than to sleep more. The bed is so warm and cozy and my dreams are so sweet. I used to keep my alarm clock by my bed where it was easy to slap the snooze button.

Now it's across the room and I have to get out of bed to turn it off. Once I'm out of bed I'm almost always able to remind myself why I put the clock away from my bed, why I want to get up early, and why I want to take the two steps out the door to start my day rather than the two steps back to bed.

Why do I need to create a morning routine that helps me remember what's important to me? Psychologists tell us that we've got two systems in our brains-the rational system and the emotional system-and, unfortunately, they often disagree about what will make us happy.

The rational system thinks that happiness would be losing 30 pounds and taking stress off of the knee joints so we could walk without pain. But the emotional system thinks that happiness is dependent on devouring the bread basket, the cheese plate and the dessert tray. Guess which system usually wins? Hands down it's the emotional.

Psychologist Jonathan Haidt used a great analogy to explain this in his book The Happiness Hypothesis. He says that the emotional system is like an elephant, and on its back is a human rider that represents the rational system. The rider thinks he's the one in charge, but an average elephant weighs 6 tons, so who do you think is going to win in a fight?

If you want your rational system to win out, you've got to avoid a direct tug-of-war with the elephant. Your rider (what we think of as will power) thinks he's got it in the bag. But if you want to lose weight, don't assume that your self-control will keep you from inhaling that bowl of chocolate-covered popcorn (just to use an example from my evening).

Whatever you do, don't believe that if you only had more willpower, you would win. That would be like believing that two humans would win against the elephant. And please don't make your apparent lack of willpower an opportunity to be hard on yourself, or think that others have it easier.

If others do have it easier it's probably because they developed systems for managing the elephant, for working with the elephant, for respecting the power of the elephant.

It's impossible to stop an elephant on a dime (or stop him eating), but given enough time and foresight, he can be turned. And so, if you want to lose weight, you may want to keep bread or ice cream or Newman's O's (another personal favorite) out of your house. Or you may want to develop the habits that encourage exercise-like making time for a walk in your schedule, or making a date with an exercise buddy.

In my case, I wasn't "strong enough" to resist the siren call of sleep if my alarm clock could be turned off while I lay in my warm bed. So I established a system that made it necessary for me to get out of bed (and quickly, so the alarm wouldn't wake my child), which made it inevitable that I would stay out of bed.

Identify what's important to you and make sure you make them your priority first thing. What systems could you establish to make it inevitable for you to do the thing that you know would make you happier? Even if your elephant, in the moment of decision, disagrees?

Stacey is a purpose and success coach who helps you give birth to your BIG dreams. To find your purpose and passion, check out her FREE eBook,

The Purpose and Passion Guidebook. 

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Goal Setting - A Stick With It Attitude For Kids

Congratulations! A New Year has commenced and with it comes the hope and dreams of millions of creative mothers and fathers, children and extended families!

What will you accomplish this year? What are your children looking forward to achieving? How are you going to motivate them to stay on track? How are they going to savor their success?

Here are a few basic rules to follow.

1. Is the goal yours or theirs? Make sure that whatever your children's goals are that it comes from them and not you or their grandparents, teachers, or caregivers. They have to have a yearning that is garnered from deep within them.

2. Solicit a rock solid commitment. Ask them how committed they are to following through with their goals? What do they intend to do when they come up against obstacles? Cultivate a stick with it attitude before they embark on each goal.

3. Write goals down. Purchase a small note-book at the dollar store and have them record each goal.

• Dr. Gail Matthews, a psychology professor at Dominican University in California, did a study on goal-setting with 267 participants. She found that you are 42 percent more likely to achieve your goals just by writing them down.¹

4. Use a SMART format when writing goals down.

• Specific

• Measurable

• Achievable

• Relevant (reasonable, realistic)

• Time bound (time-based, time limited)

• For example: an 8 year-old boy has a burning desire to play hockey but he does not know how to skate. His parents don't skate either. They have reservations as to how successful he may be. Instead of discouraging him they sit down with their son [or daughter] and map out what he needs to do to bring about a successful execution of this goal.

• He needs skates and an opportunity to practice. His parents rent second-hand skates (with the option of buying them) and one of his parent's friends offers to show him how to skate at a public skating rink. He has a ball! Three times a week he practices skating on the rink.

• His parents take him to the library to research how hockey is played. He devours the information. Eventually, he gets to try out for a hockey team. You get the picture.

5. Mark Progression on a Calendar: Map out the time frame on a calendar and what daily steps are necessary to do. Don't be afraid to ask for advice from people who have already done what your child is working on.. Why re-invent the wheel?

6. Create a vision board & an accomplishment board. As your child meets a target he transfers a visual representation from his vision board on to his accomplishment board. What an easy way to build confidence! Teach him to savor each success. How is he going to celebrate? Is he going to keep a journal of his progress?

7. Everyday ask this simple question. "What is one thing that your child can do today that he cannot fail at, to move him closer to reaching his goal? Teach him to take it one step at a time while visualizing the outcome clearly in his mind. This is a key motivating factor. He has to see the end result and feel he has attained it. Visualizing the end result helps him stay motivated on days he encounters stumbling blocks.

8. Perseverance-If he does not make the team the first time have him ask the coach what he needs to do to improve. Never take NO as a confirmation that a goal is unattainable. Never give up. Keep on keeping until he feels satisfied with the outcome.

"Most "impossible" goals can be met simply by breaking them down into bite size chunks, writing them down, believing them, and then going full speed ahead as if they are routine."-Don Lancaster

1. https://michaelhyatt.com/5-reasons-why-you-should-commit-your-goals-to-writing/

Kathleen Boucher, CEO of Great Kids and Me, http://www.greatkidsandme.com. Did your parents teach you how to set goals as a child? Do you sit down as a family and decide what you & your kids want to accomplish at the beginning of each New Year? Make this year amazing. Begin a ritual that your children will pass on to their kids.

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Zig Ziglar Setting Goals 1 of 3

How to Maximize Goals, Affirmations and Visualizations

Do you want to get better results from daily exercises such as affirmations and visualizations, develop a better relationships with your inner self and get in touch with your personal power every moment of the day? The key to all of these things is energy. If you can learn to control the flow of energy within you, you can achieve these results and much more.

So, what exactly is energy? Energy is everything. Everything is comprised on energy. It has been proven scientifically that everything has its own energy field. This includes you and me, the cat, the trees outside, computers, cell phones and everything else. It has also been proven that any thought you have also creates it's own energy field. On a spiritual level, one might discuss the unlimited source of positive energy that comes from Source (God, the Universe, whatever word you are comfortable with). All of this energy is simultaneously individual and interconnected. What's important for you to know is that there is unlimited positive energy flowing around you at all times, and that you can use this positive energy. This positive energy enables all good things in your life, and when used consciously is the key to manifesting that which you desire into your life.

You may already be aware of your energy. If you are not, just know that it's there whether you are aware of it or not. You probably already know about it, you just may not realize it. The most simplistic way to get in touch with your energy is to become aware of your feelings. Your feelings are a result of and an indicator of the energy you are flowing. As you know, there is a whole array of feelings: happy, sad, fun, excited, grumpy, blissful, and on and on. You don't need to worry about all of that. What you want to become attune to is whether you feel good or you feel bad. This may sound ridiculously simple, but in fact many of us go on auto-pilot and do not pay attention to how we're feeling at all. As you go through your day, start to pay attention to yourself. Notice whether you feel good or feel bad. What if you don't feel good but don't feel exactly bad either? Unless you feel good, really good, you are not fully flowing positive energy.

Your body is an excellent indicator of feel-good/feel-bad. Often when we are not flowing positively, we tense our muscles, clench our jaw, hold our breath or develop a knot in our stomach. If you have any of these physical indicators or another sign of physical stress, there's a good chance you are not fully flowing feel-good energy. You want to practice sensing your energy until you know moment by moment if you are flowing positive energy or not. This may take quite a bit of practice, but you will begin to develop a better relationship with yourself, which is well worth the effort. In this fast-paced world, learning to be still within is a talent that will make you happier and increase your productivity.

The second step in the process of utilizing positive energy is learning to shift your energy to positive when it is not positive. You realize that you are not feeling good, perhaps because your stomach is knotted like a stone and you are cursing the person in the car ahead of you for not going faster than the speed limit. This realization is the first step, because you have stepped back from the situation enough to realize you need a shift. Next begin to breathe deeply, and if you are a visual person, imagine a clean, white slate, because each moment is a new moment in which you can shift your energy. Wipe the slate clean, and start the next moment in a feel good place. If this simple exercise is not enough to shift your mood, think of the things in this day that you have to be grateful for, while you continue breathing deeply. Be grateful that you are becoming aware of your energy and that you are assuredly making progress in using your energy to improve your life. Think of people, places, activities and things that you love. Think of something funny, laugh, smile or sing. Physiologically, it is hard to stay negative mentally when your body is doing something positive like smiling.

For those of you that practice affirmations and visualizations, the same energy techniques apply. Sometimes you might get into resistance saying your affirmations and visualizing things you do not yet have, and these exercises are all about energy. For instance, you are saying your affirmations, and come to one you have a lot of resistance about, "My life operates smoothly, easily and joyously." You say the affirmation, but your body is tensed and your mind is saying, "But my life doesn't operate smoothly, easily and joyously!" This is then the energy that you are placing into this affirmation, which is obviously not a good thing. Sometimes we really have to be with something a while before we can be comfortable with it. Many of us are raised with thoughts and ideas that do not mesh well with the life we want to live as adults. You may have old beliefs that you are not worthy of money, or that there is no such thing as true romance, or that life is hard and you have to work hard to achieve anything. So when we introduce affirmations and visualizations into our lives that clash with these old beliefs, it's sort of like the stereotype we've all seen in the movies of the sweet, innocent daughter bringing home the tatooed, long-haired boyfriend to meet the parents. Sometimes it takes time to reach that comfort zone. So if you find yourself reacting negatively to your affirmations and visualizations, don't be put off. Ask yourself why you are in resistance, to which your answer may be immediate or something that is slowly uncovered. Then spend time "being" with the idea, whether the idea is unlimited money, passion for your career, a healthy relationship or a beautiful body. Think about it, visualize it, read about it, clip out pictures you like, get to know what it's really like to have or experience what it is that you want. In this acclimation process, remember to stay aware of your feelings, breathe deeply, and refocus your energy if you become resistant. Once you are quite comfortable with every aspect of what it is that you desire, you will have shifted many if not all of the old beliefs that may be blocking its manifestation and you will be comfortable and intimate with and therefore energetically aligned with your desire. Your energy will quickly draw your desire physically into your life.

Approach your energy goals with the enthusiasm and lightness of a child. Make a fun game of it all, and this energy will spread throughout your life. Sanaya Roman said, "The path of joy is joy." You have the power each moment of the day, every day, to choose how you feel. What's your choice?

Copyright 2004, Alexia Alderson Chamberlynn

Alexia Alderson Chamberlynn is the Co-Owner of Prosperity Power Training, LLC, a national training company specializing in e-learning, life coaching and live group training. To contact Alexia or sign up for free services such as a Free 7-Day Training Program, free monthly newsletter and free quote-of-the-day club, visit the website at [http://www.prosperitypowertraining.com]. Alexia expects to release her first novel in 2005. Alexia lives in Florida with her son Gareth.

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