John Kehoe: The difference between surrender and resignation

The Universe Doesn't Take From You, Without Giving You Something Better

The Meaning We Give Is Subjective

What have you lost recently that you miss from your life? Was it an intimate relationship? A career? Finances or something else? What emotions did you experience? Perhaps it was fear, anger or other negative emotions? Have you recovered from your loss or are you still coming to terms with it? I want to reassure you, what was taken from you will be replaced by something better, in due course. I don't want to give you a false hope that losing a relationship will be replaced with another person. Sometimes, people leave our life with no explanation. Regrettably, I don't have all the answers, since I am subject to the same fate.

However, there's one thing I've learned. When something is taken from my life, there is a period of grief, followed by something greater coming in to my life. For example, I lost my father to type II diabetes well before his time. His passing sent me on a quest to understand the human condition and why some people live a long life, while others succumb to illness. I wrote a book on the topic, following years of research and it became my quest to understand the connection between mind, body and spirit.

So yes, whilst my father passed away early, the universe gave me something I could not have expected, and that was the gift of: insight, compassion, humility and wisdom. Some of you may have lost your job amid the Coronavirus pandemic. It may have been a loss in your finances, perhaps the breakup of an intimate relationship. These things can affect us long after they're gone. Therefore, we ought to grieve over our loss and console ourselves before moving on. We may or may not find meaning in our circumstances. Either way, the meaning we ascribe is subjective because we don't really know the full extent to why things happen. We can only speculate to put our minds at ease.

Can you relate to this? Are you still looking for why a benevolent universe can be cruel and unjust sometimes? It is normal to entertain these thoughts, however they can take us down the rabbit hole of despair, searching for answers. It may or may not come, so I invite you to focus on the lessons gained from the experience, rather than search for their meaning. I can't explain why unfortunate events happen and it would be remiss of me to even try. What I can do is help you make sense of what happened, to move forward as best you can. It is about re-empowering ourselves with new insights, wisdom, and seeing our misfortunes through the eyes of kindness and self-compassion.

How The Universe Intends To Use Your Pain

The universe is barely predictable because life can change at the drop of a hat. People's lives are turned upside down and they're forced into hopeless situations with no prior warning. But here's one thing I know: the universe gives us more in return when it takes something from our lives. It gives us the gift of: wisdom, resiliency, humility, compassion and strength of character. We cannot buy these virtues online because they take years to develop, were it not for our heartbreak and pain. What I'm saying is: when we are forced into a situation not of our choosing, we discover the essence of who we really are.

We all experience pain and suffering, and the degree to which we suffer is based on how we view our misfortunes. Having studied the lives of centenarians over the years, many of them endured pain and suffering throughout their lives. The one common denominator to their endurance is the will to live. Viktor Frankl described this idea in his book, Man's Search for Meaning. Those who endured extreme suffering during the Holocaust in Nazi Germany, discovered the will to live and went on to share their stories with thousands of others. Hardship strengthens our resolve and helps us decide what is important in our lives. Our pain becomes the healing agent to heal other's pain and suffering.

We may use our pain to focus on areas of importance to us such as social justice, inequality, environmental issues or other issues affecting humanity. When people lose something of importance, some find a deeper meaning in their disaster. I'm reminded of those who lose family members in tragic circumstances, such as car accidents or murder and rape. Some start social causes, devoted to helping the lives of those affected by these tragic events. So, what am I saying? Trust. See if you can accept what happened, and trust the universe to use your pain for your own good or the betterment of others. Life is neither fair nor unfair. Our mind justifies these thoughts to make sense of unfortunate events. Life is doing its job, whilst supporting our personal growth. So, if the universe has taken something from your life, something better may take its place in the foreseeable future. After all, it was the Greek philosopher Aristotle who said: "Nature abhors a vacuum." Meaning: something of equal value or better will fill its place.

Do you want to lead a remarkable life? Are you committed to taking action despite your fears and doubts? If so, download your FREE copy of my eBook NAVIGATE LIFE right now, and start your amazing journey of greatness today!

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Wayne Dyer 🌀 Stop Wasting Time And Start Greatness,Turn Your No Limit Person From Zero To Hero

Wayne Dyer meditation - How To Figure Out What You Want In Life (BEST)

Self-Compassion - Same As Self-Love?

People fail. From time to time they mess up on the challenges of family relationships, life style, work etc. And when they blunder, they suffer adverse consequences. No wonder then that we speak of being kind and sympathetic to those who fail - who are struggling financially, emotionally, or interpersonally. But when it comes to our own problems, do we feel we ought to show the same thoughtfulness, the same gentleness, the same tolerance? Don't we need self-care as well as care for others? The mindfulness movement advocates we practice self-compassion.

"Self-compassion is a practice in which we learn to be a good friend for ourselves when we need it most - to become an inner ally rather than an inner enemy." (Kristein Neff & Christopher Germer, mindfulness teachers)

Why is self-compassion needed?

"All of us wish we'd had perfect childhoods, with a mother and father who modelled ideal parental attitudes and taught us to internalize the tenets of self-love. Many of us, however, did not." (Marianne Williamson, American author, spiritual leader, politician, and activist.)

Self-compassion and self-criticism

One can be sympathetically honest with a good friend regarding their weaknesses or mistakes.

"Sure, the job of high school teachers is not to tear down students' self-esteem. But it's certainly not to inflate students' sense of self-worth with a bunch of unearned compliments and half-truths." (L.Z. Granderson, American journalist)

Likewise having self-compassion and accepting our own faults does not mean agreeing with them. Honest self-acceptance can lead to correcting our mistakes. Self-evaluation is the vital first step towards personal change.

We can be self-critical without indulging in harsh self-criticism. Unless we honestly look at ourselves, we are in danger of self-justification, amounting to self-deception.

Self-compassion and self-pity

One can have sympathy towards one's own plight without being absorbed in oneself and wallowing in self-pity.

"Self-pity is never useful. It tends to distort like a fun-house mirror." (Anne Roiphe, American feminist and author)

"Discontent, blaming, complaining, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make." (Eckhart Tolle, spiritual author and teacher)

Self-indulgence

One can be kind to oneself without going on a self-indulgent binge or spending spree. Self-compassion is compatible with self-restraint.

I would suggest there has been a pressure on people to look perfect heightened by the celebrity culture. This has led to inadequate feelings particularly in many women exploited by advertising.

"L'Oreal's slogan 'because you're worth it' has come to epitomise banal narcissism of early 21st century capitalism; easy indulgence and effortless self-love all available at a flick of the credit card." (Geoff Mulgan, British social and political writer)

Self-interest

Loving oneself is good. For unless we love ourselves, how could we hope to love others? Likewise, without self-respect, how could we respect others?

There is a balance needed between love of self and love of others. A big difference lies between, on the one hand, having sufficient love and compassion for yourself and, on the other hand, narcistic self-love. The latter amounts to prioritising self-love which is never going to lead to feeling compassionate towards others in need. For when self-love rules, it results in self-serving, self-interest and selfishness.

"A modest dose of self-love is entirely healthy - who would want to live in a world where everyone hated themselves? But taken too far, it soon becomes poisonous." (Geoff Mulgan)

Lack of self-compassion blocks compassion for others.

Compassion for others may sound like a tall order. This is the case especially for those of us who lack self-compassion. But it is a higher calling.

Compassion is the key to living outside the confines of your lower self. (Debbie Ford, American self-help author and coach))

Can self-compassion as we have defined it, actually help us to find this deeper concern for others?

"Self-compassion encourages mindfulness, or noticing your feelings without judgment; self-kindness, or talking to yourself in a soothing way; and common humanity, or thinking about how others might be suffering similarly." (Rachel Simmons, American author)

How can we care for others if we cannot practice self-care? How can we be kind to others unless we are kind to ourselves? However, when we accept our own difficulty and unhappiness then we can better recognise that of others. Our pain is part of the shared human experience. Everyone makes mistakes and experiences hardships in life. As Kristein Neff & Christopher Germer point out, we are all flawed works in progress. When we see this then it helps us to feel connected with others in the same boat as ourselves. It facilitates a compassionate attitude towards our common humanity.

Self-compassion and Christian heritage

I see this growing interest in self-compassion as a healthy reaction against an unfortunate strand in our Western Christian heritage. This has been in my view a somewhat punitive notion of God. It assumes f there is a possibility the God who is love and mercy itself might not want to forgive us for any wrongdoing.

According to the analysis of spiritual philosopher Emanuel Swedenborg, this mistaken attitude stems from treating the biblical picture of multiple deity as literally true when it's meaning is metaphorical. Not three Gods but three aspects of the one God. As a result of this error a common image of God the Father has been one of wanting humankind to suffer for falling by the wayside. This anger, it is supposed, could only be appeased through the self-sacrifice of God the Son.

I would say this mistaken notion of deity has resulted in the traditional idea of 'original sin'. If true such a doctrine would mean we are all born guilty sinners deserving harsh treatment.

Such a negative view has permeated our ways of thinking. Unsurprisingly, we are quick to criticise our own shortcomings, failings and wrong-doing as warranting ill-fortune, punishment or rejection. And some of us actually condemn ourselves as unworthy of self-respect and care of others. The Gospel, however, is clear about our proper attitude to ourselves.

"Love your neighbour as yourself" (Jesus Christ)

As a clinical psychologist, Stephen Russell-Lacy has specialised in cognitive-behavioural psychotherapy, working for many years with adults suffering distress and disturbance.

He edits Spiritual Questions a free eZine that explores links between spiritual philosophy and the comments and questions of spiritual seekers. You can share your views and find out more about making sense of life.

His eBook Heart, Head and Hands draws links between the psycho-spiritual teachings of the eighteenth century spiritual philosopher Emanuel Swedenborg and current ideas in therapy and psychology.

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If You're Different: BE DIFFERENT

Start by Prioritising Your Happiness

Some people treat happiness as their main goal. When you ask them what they want in life they say, 'to be happy'. But happiness can be elusive. It creeps up on us when we least expect it, when we find ourselves smiling at a beautiful sunset, a table laid for a family meal, succeeding in a challenge, watching our friends laugh at a terrible joke.

Happiness is rarely about expensive gifts or acquisitions. So when planning for a positive, fulfilling life it's important to start by prioritising your happiness. Let's look at what this entails.

- Practise daily gratitude. This doesn't mean settling for second best or sitting back on your laurels, but is about being grateful for what you have and finding a balanced, grounded approach to life. Appreciation of others, valuing the lessons learned from challenges and setbacks, the relationships in your life, the food, air, roof over your head, running water, all can all be taken for granted but are things many others don't have.Those people would be happy to be in your shoes.

- Happiness comes from being inspired, so ensure you have things that motivate you to improve, to be better, reach a higher level. This may be learning new skills, expanding your area of expertise, focusing on a new direction, something that elevates your vision, stretches you and brings a sense of achievement.

- Leaving our familiar comfort zone can be scary and exhilarating, yet often results in us feeling happy and proud of ourselves afterwards. Even trying new food, another route to work, having a go at something we're apprehensive about can prompt a positive shift in our thinking and a happier sense of self.

- Being challenged is important to happiness too. Being receptive to new ideas and initiatives, being prepared to say, 'yes' even when unsure of yourself. Why not say 'yes' first and work out how to do it afterwards! Self-improvement and development bring their own happiness and fulfillment.

- Do things you do well. Being challenged is often a good experience but if life is already stressful making time to do something you know you're good at can be an important reminder of how competent and capable you are. And we all need a little window of success in a stressful life. Enjoy it, even if it's icing a cake, putting up shelving or supporting an elderly neighbour.

- Rewards can bring happiness. Yes, we deserve to be rewarded for our efforts financially. We need to live and pay our bills. But also reward yourself by ensuring you have a space, a place where you go and feel secure, able to relax. It may be your bedroom, with lovely prints, cushions, flowers and music. When you're there you close the door on the world, destress and chill.

- Being involved with others can bring happiness; teaching, mentoring, coaching, volunteering are often fulfilling experiences. And the people we're involved with may bring new ideas, inspiration, suggestions of their own that add value to our lives.

- Don't follow the crowd. Others have their own stories, motivations and limitations. They may begrudge you your energy and drive, preferring that you don't remind them of their apparent lack of ambition, but we're all different and each of us have needs and wants that evolve over time. Reflect on those relationships and consider if it's time to reduce their influence in your life.

- Mix with people who like, support and encourage you; they're your fans and ambassadors. People who like you treat you with respect, may challenge you on occasion, but they're in your court and you're in theirs. Nurturing 'your' people allows you to be vulnerable, wrong sometimes and able to discuss any problem areas in an accepting, non-judgmental arena.

- Indulge your senses. Happiness comes from incorporating smell, taste, touch as well as music and beautiful art and colours. Make time to enjoy nature, your pets. Visit the beach, the forest and stimulate your senses; feel the sand underneath your feet.

- Give yourself regular free time. Happiness is about ensuring there's balance in your life. Prioritising time for fun, sport, exercise, reading is important. Sometimes work may require extra attention, but aim to regularly give yourself time out, perhaps just to sit with a coffee at the mall.

- Insist on being treated with respect by those you come into contact with. Good boundaries matter. Unhappiness can occur if we feel disrespected, treated dismissively or are taken for granted. Intercept bad treatment at the outset and be firm about good manners and consideration. But equally remember to invest time and attention in your good relationships.

- Deal with your demons. Happiness is about being at peace with ourselves, forgiving any failures, past mistakes or errors of judgement. If you're struggling therapy coulhttps://ezinearticles.com/?Start-by-Prioritising-Your-Happiness&id=10262600d be a good way to heal and recover from negative patterns and ways of thinking. Be gentle with yourself and move on from unhelpful self-talk. It can make all the difference to your happiness levels.

Look after yourself. Eat well, exercise, commit to regular sleep. Practice these tips, prioritise your health and happiness will follow.

Susan Leigh, counselor, hypnotherapist, relationship counselor, writer & media contributor offers help with relationship issues, stress management, assertiveness and confidence. She works with individual clients, couples and provides corporate workshops and support.

She's author of 3 books, 'Dealing with Stress, Managing its Impact', '101 Days of Inspiration #tipoftheday' and 'Dealing with Death, Coping with the Pain', all on Amazon & with easy to read sections, tips and ideas to help you feel more positive about your life.

To order a copy or for more information, help and free articles visit http://www.lifestyletherapy.net

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Why You Are Always One Decision Away From Improving Your Life

Good Habits Build Strong Character

Are you aware of anything holding you back from improving your life at present? It may be a resource such as money, better living conditions, access to certain information or services? Whilst I don't discount the value of these things can improve our circumstances, generally, our thoughts are the biggest impediment holding us back because we believe them. As an example, I was speaking with a client recently who confessed how she nearly didn't make it to the gym one morning. Her thoughts convinced her she was too tired, so she reasoned it was pointless to exercise. However, she made it to the gym after all and not only did she feel better, she couldn't believe how her thoughts sabotaged her an hour earlier. Had she succumbed to her feelings, she might have avoided going to the gym and lamented her choice later.

Have you experienced something similar in areas of your life? It happens to me often; though, I've learned not to trust my thoughts but commit to my goals and intentions instead. Our thoughts are saboteurs that stop us achieving our goals and highest intentions. Evolutionary psychologists believe this sabotaging is an adaptive mechanism to keep us safe from danger. Given the world we live in nowadays, the danger we experienced thousands of years ago is not prevalent anymore. Meanwhile, our biology hasn't changed given we still use the same mental framework to make important decisions.

So, what does this mean for you? You are one choice away from improving your life, which can have a transformative effect. The key is to better understand our thoughts, so we don't succumb to the saboteur that tries to convince us things are worse than they are. Nowadays, everyone talks about wanting more motivation. I don't accept motivation is the issue because it will only get you so far and if you lose motivation, what then? We ought to set the right intentions and develop good habits that lead to strong character. I'm not talking about the character that defines you as a good or bad person. I'm talking about character where you commit to your goals and purpose and follow through with them, no matter what. So, if your intention is to exercise four days a week, character says you show up four days a week, excluding if you are sick.

Are you comfortable with this idea that the next choice you make can improve your life in ways you never imagined? Now I can hear you say: "Tony, I make choices every day and none of them have changed my life." Granted, but are you making choices from a place of fear, regret and worry or based on inspiration and enthusiasm? The latter strengthens your commitment to your goals and purpose, where the former weakens it. Your commitment is tied to your character and if we break our promises, we lose trust in ourselves. We must do what we say we're going to do, as long as it is tied to the right intention. Therefore, we must have a higher understanding our true motives. For example, are we working towards improving our life or running away from something deleterious?

Accept The Fate Of Our Choices

Our choices can improve our life because they uphold our values and purpose. Psychologist say the pleasure principle is where people seek pleasure and avoid pain as much as possible. The problem is that pain can build character and strengthen our commitment to our goals. Pain allows us to recognise what is important to us, and let go of unnecessary or wasteful actions. We must be careful not to become pleasure seekers but understand our underlying motives better. Are you beginning to feel better that your decisions can lead to an extraordinary life, if you are clear on your intentions? Doing so requires knowing ourselves, which is tied to wisdom and experience.

Some of the wisest people I've met are those who've experienced great difficulties and suffering in their life. They've endured pain and gained valuable insights about themselves along the way. Oscar Wilde once said: "Experience is the hardest teacher; it gives you the test before the lesson." Yet many people don't heed the lessons until it's too late, and even then, they repeat the same mistakes over again. In many ways, they are like mice scurrying around in a maze, not understanding the rules of the game. But our choices can be powerful and change the course of our destiny, if they are aligned with our highest intentions. It's not necessary that we make difficult choices that disrupt our lives. Perhaps we can afford to do so when we're young, but as we mature, we ought to learn from our experiences and make informed choices.

Eventually, we must trust ourselves and accept the fate of our choices, instead of believing life is difficult. We are powerful beings and many don't recognise this power and resign themselves to mediocrity. Pain and pleasure help us learn how our choices can influence our life, if we examine them thoughtfully. Knowing this, I'd like you to think about your recent choices. Were they aligned with your highest purpose, or were they made impulsively? Ask yourself: "What is important to me and what am I willing to sacrifice to attain this?" Live by those values and I assure you, the next choice you make can improve your life beyond your wildest dreams.

Do you want to lead a remarkable life? Are you committed to taking action despite your fears and doubts? If so, download your FREE copy of my eBook NAVIGATE LIFE right now, and start your amazing journey of greatness today!

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